4 Ways to Slow Down this Holiday Season, and Other Times Too

Note: Written by Guest, Angela Duncan, creator of the upcoming virtualsidekick.us 

Imagine your packing a suitcase. It’s a large suitcase, whichever color you prefer, with lots of little pockets and compartments for hundreds of things. You’re deciding what to put in it, and you decide the more you can stuff in, the better off you’ll be. You can never be too prepared, right?

Now you’re packed, the seams are stretched and ready to burst. You go to move the suitcase, but it’s too heavy to pick up. The wheels are pressed into the carpet and it won’t budge. You open it again to see if there’s something you can leave behind. You can’t decide! Your family is waiting in the car and you’re going to miss your flight if you don’t leave now.

Sound stressful? Now imagine that suitcase is your life. It’s overflowing with everything you need to do: dishes, laundry, work, appointments, responsibilities, and more. You’re hauling around this massive case, with no end in sight. You’re tired, overwhelmed, and on the verge of tears. Now tie a big fir tree to your back, because it’s December. The most stressful time of the year.

So how do we slow down and reclaim some time to enjoy this Holiday season? Here are a few suggestions:

1) Say no. Don’t roll your eyes. It’s actually something people do! Some of the busiest, most successful people will preach that in order to be productive and happy you must learn to say no. On John Lee Dumas’s podcast, Entrepreneurs on Fire, he asks each of his guests, all successful business people, “How do you protect your time?” The answer is almost always the same. Learn to say no. Say no to housework, no to your employer, no to your in-laws. Do it! Politely, of course, and not all the time, but when you feel that what is being asked of you is too much, say no. You’ll feel relieved when you do, and most people will understand, and if they don’t, I have to wonder how heavy their suitcase is.

2) Stop multitasking. It can actually slow you down and cause a ton of stress. For a long time, multitasking was thought to be a good skill to have. Being a multitask-er meant you could cook dinner, talk on the phone, and keep an eye on your crawling baby all at the same time. While it's true you can probably do these things simultaneously, we need to ask ourselves if this is wise. Is your friend on the phone really being heard? The baby never wanders off? And dinner never burns? What about your stress-level during those minutes? 

I have a bad habit of trying to read more than one book at a time. I will often read a chapter in one book, then a chapter in another; back-and-forth. I didn't realize how much my reading time was being hindered by this. It actually takes me more time to read two books this way, then it would if I read them one at a time! The mere stress I get (and time wasted!) from trying to decide which book to pick up first should be a big indication to just choose one. 

Sometimes it's difficult for us to not multitask, but I'd like to encourage you to give it up. Give one task your full attention until it's done. Of course, interruptions happen, but then give the interruption the attention it requires, until it's settled, and you can go back to the first task. You'll be amazed at the quality of everything you do, and I bet you'll feel less stress and more at peace.

3) Find time for leisure. In preparation for writing this, I searched for synonyms for “busyness” (yes that’s the kind of brainstorming I do), and I got distracted by the antonyms: laziness, idleness, apathy, negligence, the list goes on. All negative. No positive.

So I thought of what I’m doing when I’m not busy. I wouldn’t say I’m indifferent, lazy, apathetic, or ignorant. I’d say I’m resting, enjoying free time, relaxing, meditating. This list goes on too. So I have to wonder, when did leisure become a sin? 

In Brigid Schulte’s book, Overwhelmed, she discusses women's interviews on busyness: "We assume that if people aren't busy, then they must be lazy," she told them."I don't know how people would not be busy," sniffed another. "I'm so tired, I need a sabbatical," one woman said before quickly vowing she would never take one, as if that would be admitting a lack of stamina to keep up.

We work to have leisure, on which happiness depends. - Aristotle

Don’t work, work, work and never take leisure time. It’s necessary for health and happiness, and you’ve earned it.

4) Don’t be impressed by busyness. Oliver Burkeman refers to ‘busy-bragging’ as an epidemic in which everyone talks about how busy they are, as if it’s something to be envious of.

People are competing about being busy. It’s about showing status. That if you’re busy, you’re important. You’re leading a full and worthy life. There’s a real ‘busier than thou’ attitude… – Ann Burnett

Don’t participate in the competition. In a society where busyness is the norm, and leisure is considered laziness, it’s hard not to get swept away by the need to convince others how busy your life is. Even when life isn’t busy, we say things like, “we’re doing things around the house this weekend, “Or I’m making plans for…” the next stretch of busyness. It’s rare that anyone admits they’re relaxing on a weekend. Even our vacations are “go, go, go” times (like the plastic army men from Toy Story).

Make an effort to not talk about your busyness, even if your life is hectic. Talking about it elevates stress and does nothing for productivity.

The next time someone asks you how you are try saying something besides "busy." When someone asks you what you’re doing for the weekend, try saying you’re "taking it easy." You’ll get responses like "isn’t that nice" (sarcastic), "I wish I had nothing to do" (sincere, but also stings), or they’ll make suggestions for what you can do (politely decline). At the very least, it’s an interesting experiment.

This season, try lightening your suitcase by unloading a lot. Don’t add any more to it, don’t brag about how heavy it is or how strong you are, set it down for some leisure time, and maybe do something to lighten someone else’s load. It is time for giving after all.

If you have other suggestions on how to slow down, leave a comment below. I'd love to hear them. Happy Holidays!

5 Tips and Tricks for Healthy Eating

It's that time a year again, when sweets and treats are everywhere we look. Here are some 5 simple tips and tricks for healthy eating:

• Each meal should consist of 40% carbs, 30% protein, and 30% fats (oils, nuts, seeds, fish, etc.). Avoid hydrogenated fats. Use butter instead of shortening to make your pies. 

• Your body protects itself from substances it doesn't recognize as food (i.e. sugar) by turning it into fat. This is why it's more important what you eat, than how much. Try only using half as much sugar in your desserts and limit yourself to just one. I like to try just one or two bites. Also use 1% milk when recipes call for cream, to reduce fat content.

• On-and-off dieting is hard on your body. Commit to eating healthy, and you'll never need another fad diet.

• Check out eatbydate.com to really understand how long your food lasts. No more wasting food that's past it's "best by" date but still good.

• Trying to eat healthy on a budget? Try less trips to the store. Plan for going to the store once every one or two weeks. Eat the foods that goes bad first. Here's some suggestions to help: Eat spinach and butter crunch lettuce first (lasts 3-5 days), then romaine (lasts 7-10 days), then kale and broccoli spears (lasts 1-2 weeks), and finally cabbage and cauliflower (lasts 7-21 days). To top your salads, try pairing them with these fruits: Bananas, strawberries, (last 2-3 days), then peaches (last 3-5 days), blueberries and grapes (last 5-7 days), avocados (last 7-10 days), and apples and oranges (last 7-21 days).

Every meal, try to balance your foods and proportion your plate like this:

Add a tablespoon of healthy fat and a fruit for dessert.

More sources for eating healthy: eatingwell.com, quickanddirtytips.com, nutritionovereasy.com, emeals.com, yummly.com, and Nutrition Diva podcast.

Have any more tips for healthy eating? I'd love to hear them. Leave a comment below.

Exercise, Rest and Reaching Your Goals With a Game

Did you know weight-bearing exercise doesn't just mean exercising with weights? Weight-bearing includes any form of exercise that resists gravity or involves bearing your own weight. Examples are walking, jogging, lifting, hiking, dancing, yoga, etc. Non-weight bearing would include exercises such as swimming, rowing, biking, or other exercises done while sitting. 

To get the most out of your exercise regime, you should try to do 3 weight-bearing and 3 non-weight bearing exercise sessions per week. 

Avoid repetitive workout regimes, such as running 6 days a week. If you don’t mix-and-match your exercises, you are more likely to become injured. (If you’re a runner, check out the book Run Less, Run Faster for excellent advice on healthy running habits.)

Rest is also very important for our bodies. 

Try resting a day between intense exercise in order for your muscles to grow stronger and avoid injury. 

It’s also critical to get a consistent night’s rest. The best way to do this is to go to bed and rise the same time each day. If we stay up late at night, the adrenal glands kick in, making it more difficult to fall asleep or to sleep through the night. Winding down at night, dimming lights, and going to bed early all help to achieve a good night’s sleep. Eating a healthy breakfast and getting 20 minutes of sunshine each day also help with sleep.

Now for the fun part!

If you’re looking for a fun, effective way to stick to your health goals, try the following:

1) Create SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound) goals regarding your health. An example of a SMART goal: Instead of, “lose 20 pounds” try “I will lose one pound each week for the next 20 weeks.”

2) Create daily goals that will help you reach your SMART goals. Assign points to each goal to compete with yourself. Example: Drink 8 cups of water each day, exercise 20-30 minutes, eat 2 salads, and get 7 or more hours of sleep would each get one point. If something is particularly challenging for you, consider giving yourself two points for completing it, for extra encouragement. Tally your points each week, and watch your score grow. 

3) Reward yourself. This is tough. If you’re reaching your goals, you definitely deserve something extraordinary. Figure out what your reward (something other than a food item, please) will be at the beginning, set a finish line for when you’ll earn it, and get to work. If you're struggling, don't be hard on yourself, it will only make it more difficult. Remind yourself why you want to reach these goals and seek help from friends, family, or me (I'm always here for support and accountability). Pinpoint what's not working and take advantage of what is. 

If you need a little more encouragement, check out these resources: healthmonth.com (free), dietbet.com, stickk.com, and beeminder.com.

Have any other suggestions for maintaining a healthy exercise regime? I'd love to hear about it! Leave a comment below.

Remember, if you live a healthier lifestyle, you will influence your family to do the same. Good luck!

Setting Attainable Goals

I have a mountain of goals I wish to accomplish. The list is constantly morphing and growing, yet rarely gets shorter. I realize now that it's challenging to get things done when I don't know where to start. I have spent some time studying how to set attainable goals, and this is what I've come up with (a mix of ideas from The Thrive Life by Thomas Winterman and my own).

First of all, this works best for goals you've wanted for a while but find yourself struggling to complete. I wouldn't use this method for an ordinary to do list, like wash the dishes, grocery shop, etc. Those things will get done eventually. These steps are for managing goals your heart desires, such as learning to play the piano, eat healthier, learn Spanish, or take new steps in your business. If you have a long list of goals like these, these steps are for you.

1. Cross off or change goals that are not in your control.

 (ex. Have a better marriage------> change to be a better spouse).

2. Cross off any duplicates, or that can be completed by achieving another goal.

3. Reframe/state goals positively.

(ex.  To lose weight------> change to become more healthy

 Quit arguing with my kids-------> have a healthy relationship with my kids)

4. Now we need to examine your level of commitment to these goals. Rate your goals from 1- 4. 1 - being the lowest- "I don't want to do this”, 2 meaning “I’ll try”, 3 meaning “I’ll do my best” and 4 meaning "I will do whatever it takes”. Be honest about how motivated you are to achieve these goals. It’s okay if a lot of them are labeled with a 1 or 2 right now. For example, if one of your goals is to eat local food, but you still find yourself going to the supermarket instead of the farmer’s market, then this goal should be labeled 1. If you constantly daydream about decluttering your home if only you had the time, then label this with a 3 or 4.

5. Circle the goals numbered with a three or four.These are the goals you are motivated about the most. They’re the goals you will do more willingly, and these are the goals you should focus on first. This does not mean you will never achieve the other goals, but it’s easier to implement one or two goals at a time instead of trying to achieve them all at once.  Very much like when we chose one mini-goal in the Importance of Habits blogpost last month. Also, if you achieve the easier ones first, then you’ll be energized for the more difficult ones later.

6. If you have more than one or two goals listed as a 3 or 4, then take some time now to number them in order of priority. You’ll want to start with the first one or two goal.

7. After completing these steps, if you're still struggling to finish the first goal on your new list, then remember to "eat that frog!" This idea, of doing the most difficult thing first, is from Brian Tracy's book, Eat That Frog. This means to complete or "eat" the toughest thing on your list first. Every day. Then the rest of your day should be a breeze. 

So remember, goals are personal and sometimes complicated things. If you're truly committed to reaching them, then these steps will help you get there. Take the time to list your goals, change any that are not in your control, make sure their positive, rate them by your level of commitment, and start with the highest priority one. Do one at a time, and have fun crossing them off when completed. Good luck!

Co-Written by Teresa Hancock and Angela Hancock.

Resources: The Thrive Life by Thomas Winterman

Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy

The Importance of Habits

Habits Aren't All Bad

Habits are the foundation for reaching your goals. Think of any goal you have accomplished recently, and I'm sure you can pinpoint a habit that helped you complete it. Is your goal to write a novel? Then you'll need to make a habit of sitting down and writing daily, weekly, or what have you. Do you want to manage your time better? Then you'll need to get into the habit of limiting time wasters and avoiding procrastination. There are countless examples of establishing habits to help you accomplish goals.

Here are some simple steps you can take to use habits to help you make daily progress:

1) Decide on one goal you would like to accomplish. I recommend choosing a "Keystone" goal. Keystone goals or habits are something that affect multiple areas of life. For example, people who work out feel less tired, more motivated, eat healthier, etc (Charles Dewhig). If you choose a Keystone habit, it's likely to enhance your life in multiple ways. Can you come up with a Keystone goal?

If you are struggling to come up with some goals, try referring to this list of "The Essential Seven" by Gretchen Rubin (Better Than Before, p.38):

- Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol)

- Exercise regularly

- Save, spend, and earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate to worthy causes, stick to a budget)

- Rest, relax, and enjoy (stop watching TV in bed, turn off a cell phone, spend time in nature, cultivate silence, get enough sleep, spend less time in the car)

- Accomplish more, stop procrastinating (practice an instrument, work without interruption, learn a language, maintain a blog)

- Simplify, clear, clean, and organize (make the bed, file regularly, put keys away in the same place, recycle)

- Engage more deeply in relationships—with other people, with God, with the world (call friends, volunteer, have more sex, spend more time with family, attend religious services)

2) Identify obstacles that are keeping you from completing this goal. These might be distractions, bad habits, procrastination, etc. 

3) Create a mini-habit that will help you avoid these obstacles. Mini-habits are easy actions that take 30 seconds or less and will initiate bigger actions. Let's say my goal is to write a book. I know that I am the most productive in the morning, and my obstacle is procrastination. In order to avoid procrastinating, I will need to get myself writing right away. So, my mini-habit will be to sit down and write one sentence after I finish my breakfast. Once I get a sentence written, I should easily continue writing.

An important part of your mini-habit is to have it directly follow another action, one that happens daily. I always eat breakfast, therefore I will know to sit down and write right after breakfast. Make sure to always have your mini-habit follow a habit already in place. Do not say you will sit down and write before breakfast because this may delay or replace that important habit. More examples of mini-habits are:

 - When the kids wake me up in the morning, I will immediately get out of bed (to avoid wasting time in bed looking at Facebook).

- When the kids ask me for something, I will stop and think about it before saying no (to avoid missing opportunities to spend quality time with my children).

- When I get out of bed, I will put on my workout clothes (to encourage me to exercise).

4) Follow through, and make this mini-habit a part of your daily life. Mini-habits are the starters of a chain reaction of good habits that will help us accomplish our goals. If you miss a day, start again until you have successfully established this routine in your life. It's time to feel productive and make daily progress!

Co-Written by Teresa Hancock and Angela Hancock

Visualize Your Life

"If You Could Do Anything, Be Anything, How Would you Live Your Life?"

When you look back on your life, how will you want it to have played out? What do you want others to say about you? What are your life goals?

In order to reach our life goals, we must first know what we want the finish line to look like. If you find it difficult to answer the questions above, then you may need help visualizing your life.

Write down a list of every career or achievement you’ve desired over your lifetime. For example, I have wanted or still want to be a teacher, photographer, painter, architect, pianist, organist, and harpist. I wanted to create retreats to help others using artistic therapies. I studied, wrote, and presented my senior project about these expressive therapies.

I find that the key number of items you should have on your list is seven. If you're struggling to come up with seven, here is another example to help: My daughter tried this exercise and she found seven things she’s wanted to do as well. These include being a writer, teacher, actress, surgeon, small business owner, greenhouse owner, and now a farmer.

Look at your list and find one thing they all have in common. It might seem impossible at first, but I’m sure it’s there. When I examined my list I found two things they had in common, either they were to help others or to express my artistic/creative side. Therefore they all had this in common: I want to help others creatively. My daughters list was a little less obvious. They didn’t seem to connect quiet as much, but if you look carefully, you’ll find a desire for independence, either financial or personal independence, in each career choice.

Have you found the one something everything on your list has in common? I call this your Life Goal or Purpose. This is what you desire most or want to accomplish during your lifetime.

Another exercise that can help you picture how you want your life to be, is to create a Dream Board (see example above). This can be done with digital images in a Word document or on paper with magazine cut-outs. Find images that represent what you want in your life and what's important to you. Create a collage with these images and have fun with it. It's time to dream BIG! and remember, "if you could do anything, be anything, how would you live your life?"

This Dream Board is now a visual representation of your life. Refer to it often, share it with family and friends, and add to it whenever you find new desires in life. Let it become motivation to move forward and make achievements. It should help you to set life goals and reach those goals.

It's time to find your compelling life purpose, reach for your finish line, and do something you love every day.

Check out the sequel to this topic: Setting Attainable Goals - the beginning step to reaching your dreams.

Co-Written by Teresa Hancock and Angela Hancock

How to Find Time for Yourself - In 5 Simple Steps

More often than not, moms with young children can't find extra time for themselves, and if they do it is usually spent cleaning, finding something new and fun for the kids to do, or taking a much deserved nap. Is this you? If so, I know it's hard to find time for you, but you must remember:

If you are struggling to find personal time, try making it a real priority. Here's how:

1) Sit down and choose one activity you really would love to do just for you. This might be reading a good book, meditating, talking to a friend (uninterrupted), walking the dog, learning something new, or simply doing nothing, on purpose. If you're struggling to come up with something, try to remember what you enjoyed doing before you had kids. Is there something from your past you would like to start doing again?

2) Once you've chosen your activity, write down any time(s) throughout the week you know you could squeeze it in. This could be in the morning before the kids are up, at night after their bedtime, or on the weekends when they can be with Dad, etc. 

3) Once you've chosen a time that'll work for you and your family, mark it on the calendar, in ink! It might be daily, bi-weekly, or weekly, but try to schedule a personal time appointment at least once a week. You deserve it!

4) This is now your self-appointment, so don't forget to keep your appointment. Make it a priority, and explain to your family how important this personal time is for you.

5) Ask for help, if you need it, in order to keep your self-appointment. Do you need a babysitter? Can you switch off babysitting days with a mom-friend so you can both have time to yourself? Can the kids be with Dad or grandparents during this time? Moms need help too, so don't be afraid to ask for it.

Your personal time is not just for you, it's for your whole family. So don't put it off any longer! Make your self-appointment, ask for help, and stick with it. Your life will be blessed for it.

Co-Written by Teresa Hancock and Angela Hancock